Having picked my dinner, a mix of rice+pork+pork (Only because there were no vegetables left, I swear!), a lady in her late 30s came up to my table and said, "Leng Chai, how would you have me spend the night in your room for a price of just a hundred?"

!!!! Ok lah. She didn't say that. And thank god.

Anyway, she wanted to sit on my table because I THINK she doesn't want to eat alone since as I looked around there were a few tables unoccupied. Almost immediately what my sister had said to me a day back, ran through my head. (She said that I tend to attract older women.) !!!! The last thing I need during dinner is to have my appetite ruined by an old hag drooling next to me.

Anyways, it was nothing like that. However, I was made to endure a 15 minute lecture from a total stranger who calls herself Auntie.

She started off by telling me that having a rice+meat+meat combination is not good for health. Rice+pork+pork is deadly she claims. *shudders* The golden combination is rice+pork+vege.

"Aiyo, not good eat so much meat oh...but nevermind you are still young." She ends each sentence of her sentences with "but nevermind you are still young", but then continued to tell me not good. ZZzz

I guess I did lose my appetite. Only in a different way.

I thought that would be it you know, old people and their I-am-very-health-conscious-because-my-time-is-running-out talks. But I was wrong.

She taught me how to choose girlfriend!

"Auntie, teach you. Next time when you go dating, you ask your girlfriend lah...about her family background...whether their family have any diseases or not......"
*Walau like choosing a pet dog.....*
"...then ah must make sure they know how to do work lah...have some knowledge on medical things....house work and all that....don't choose the leng mui...no use wan...dont know how to do any work. Just like a book that got nice cover only, the inside all blank pages.."

Wadeh.....

I finished my dinner ASAP and cabut.

So one of my classmate's popped the question out of the blue during Math.

"Eh. What is ORGASM ah?"

*GASP*
We were all amazed with his naiveness comparable to that of a five year old.

So I had the privilege to show this boy the true world...

"Orgasm is a type of food. Italian. Its like a hybrid of pizza and spaghetti. Lotsa cheese mixed with shredded beef."

There was a moment of silence as he pondered. So he must have thought...

A couple enjoying an extra large orgasm with extra cheese.

MMmmm.... Hot and Spicy orgasm..

After some thought, he said with a dazed look on his face...

"I wanna eat orgasm lah..."

Maiku. Got so bored of studying. SO many tests. Tried this thing.

http://www.crush007.com/v2/predict/1153846538qcx

Quite accurate oh. Don play play.

Fuck.

"My budget around 20. So which ear phones good ah?"

"How bout these Panasonic wan? Panasonic Neo-dynamic blabla.."

*RM29 isn't exactly around 20. Isn't that like just 1 short of 30?*

(Shows me another pair without a brand that costs RM20)

"Ok lah. Ill take the Panasonic. Got discount or not?"

"*Some Canton gibberish* Ok la. 27. This one Panasonic wan. Very good."

SO I WENT BACK AND TRIED IT. SUCKS LIKE SHIT LAH! THE BASS SOUNDED LIKE PEOPLE KNOCKING ON EMPTY TRASH CANS.

I WAS AT A POINT OF SWALLOWING THE EARPHONES, WITH HOPES IT MIGHT SOUND BETTER INSIDE ME.

NEO-DYNAMIC my butt. My butt more dynamic I think.

Yours truly,
Gullible

This weekend, unlike most weekends, was spent in my cell. I had the whole house for myself. All the other tenants were away godknowswhere. To make matters worse, the weather was gloomy for nearly the whole day. So what else? Jiwang lagik... So then, as I looked outside the window...

I remember when we were sitting on your couch watching Good Will Hunting, holding hands and drinking milkshakes, but milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday.
Right after I bought you that really expensive thing from the Body Shop, called Jojoba Loofah Milktowel, or something like that. That I sold 147 Cutco knives to afford, but whatever, hey, it’s cool.

I’ve moved on you know, I’m happy now – well, happy in a crying sorta way.You know, curled up naked in the shower biting your knees wishing you were dead kinda happy. But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be.

And you know what? Thank God‘Cause you’re the most vapid, whiny blah I’ve ever met. Always making fun of my clothes, telling me how hot other guys are, asking me to pay you gas money?! Buy your own gas you bug-eyed mooch – it’s your car and it costs more than my house. Oh and now you’re going around trying to sleep with my friends. Hey good, that really makes you an empowered individual – no wait, did I say empowered individual? I meant two-cent gutter slut. Listen you, tanning-bed-baked, broke-ass, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem:

Yes, your ass did look fat in those jeans, your mom’s a M.I.L.F.And I plan to get on your little sister just as soon as I give her a call back, oh and you know what else?

You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself till your eyes fall out.


Song lyrics of Good Will Hunting By Myself by Ludo

Played for over 100 minutes of football, each time he had the ball a swarm of blue shirts came to him. Throwing sledge hammers at his shins, shoving him, sat on him. Thus, he injured his shoulder. But he could not come off. No. This is his story. His fairy tale.

Then came the 110th minute. Materazzi was lying on the pitch. No one knew why. Then, the replay showed that Zizou had done this...

But whY?? He's often the most patient man on the pitch but last night he came up to Materazzi full of malice and shot his balding head at his chest.

Why??? WHY? That was all I could think of, rooted to my seat in horror. It was inevitable. It was a definite RED card. Fairy tales are supposed to have happy endings....

It was a torture to watch one of the gods leave the pitch forever, especially leaving like this.

A replay later revealed what could have been the reason Zidane wanted to kill Materazzi. The asswipe was bear hugging Zizou when he was waiting for a cross. Freakin gay.

Zidane did not get what he should have been given. It was a foul. Hence, with encouragement from his injured shoulder, he decided that murder would be the best way to settle it.

At least, it's what I think happened.

It's become a common sight. People walking into coffee shops or waiting next to escalators with a can and pictures of cripples and orphans, asking for donation. In fact there are so many of them that sometimes you question their honesty. I've given up donating. Sorry to admit, but I've once ended up with only a RM10 note, walking around a mall, after chipping in to a foundation for the retarded kids.

I just got back from lunch. As I was eating, I was interrupted by a woman with a can and some pictures pasted on it. I declined. So did the family of 4 in the table in front of me. The couple next to my table did not even look at the lady. The lady walked around the coffee shop and I should think she didn't collect a cent.

Then, the lady walked up to two Indian guys sitting at the table at the far corner, wearing sweat soaked patched shirts and soiled shoes, both of them hurriedly dug their pockets for some cash to be put in the can.

I was embarrassed. The couple that had earlier ignored the donation lady left their table and I noticed that one of them were wearing Levi's jeans.

I always thought that it's our choice to donate or not and no one should comment on our choices. But are we making the right choices?

Today when I was walking to the landlady's to pay rent, this nut-dog sudden ran towards me barking. So I did what anyone would have done and ran lah.


The thing was, I didn't actually run straight which anyone would have done, I ran in circles.
After a about 2 rounds, I figured this is getting stupid, the dog should have at least leave a few teeth marks by now if its intention was to harm me.


So, I stood still, so did the nut-dog. I stared at it while it stood barking dog-profanities at me. The nut-dog clearly has short attention span as it took off to a group of guys who were watching this circus from a nearby house. Relieved, I walked on coolly as if nth had happened. :)

On my way back, I came across some money lying on the road!

My World Cup campaign so far has been prosperous. Germany and most importantly France, lived to my expectations and beat their oponents! So, I won this large amount of.....

3 BURGERS!!!!!

So anyway, I can't believe some people could consider shitting while standing. Is it even possible?